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A friend shared with me last week that he heard a speaker say that what holds us back is aversion to risk, the desire to rescue, and the need to be self-righteous. The 3 Rs of sub-optimization. I confess, I am guilty of engaging in all three. What about you?
- Aversion to risk.
What makes us afraid to try? I understand that there are times in our life when security or responsibility truly does limit our options. We both know there are a good number of times when we see a grand opportunity, we know we could afford the risk, and yet we don’t step out. I suspect the problem is that taking a calculated (or a not so calculated risk) requires practice. Courage, clarity of desire, and confidence – these characteristics are like muscles. We have to exercise them, otherwise these traits atrophy, and we become people who lead lives less than what we desire. - The Desire to Rescue.
Helping others is good. Rescuing is bad. Helping, supporting, caring – these are the things we do for folks that we trust can generally take of themselves. Rescuing implies that we know better. And in the end, while we begin with good intent, we can easily end up spending so much time managing someone else’s life that we forget about managing our own. - Self-righteousness.
I’ve been coaching and encouraging leaders for a very long time. One of the lessons I’ve learned is that we confuse core values with simply winning. Many a leader would rather “be right” than be effective. As they begin to “fight to the death,” they typically declare that it’s about truth and honor. But really what they mean is that it is important to win. Which often means they won’t. Because it is no longer about solving the problem at hand, it has become about ego and self-importance. And everyone knows it.
If you are like me, it takes about 3 minutes to identify the risk you need to take, the rescuing attempt you need to stop, and the self-righteous behavior you must reconsider. It will take many more minutes to self-correct, but the effort is important, and the rewards worthwhile.
The advice for today.
Take courage. Act. Put your oxygen mask on before helping others. Remember, every hill is not a hill to die for, and Enjoy the day.
