Lately it seems like the “art of conversation” has become more of a verbal “jousting match.” It’s more often about winning points on the proverbial debate team, with little regard for the respected rules of engagement. More “Gotcha!” and less “Wow, that’s interesting.”
I find myself going into conversations guarded, looking for intellectual traps and emotional hijacking. I don’t like it. I like good conversation and the older I get, I like simply listening. But I want to get better at listening with the intention to learn.
Learning is an action verb and it means I have to pay attention to the individual words as well as the sentences. I need to note the emotion in the voice, eye contact, body movement. I need to relax into the moment and really enjoy opening my mind (and my body and my heart) to what is being said. And then asking questions that create a richer dialogue.
In coaching, we learn about “powerful questions” that will move the dialogue along, but recently I read about asking easy, honest questions that come from “not knowing.” Of course, asking those types of questions requires being completely comfortable with not having an opinion on everything. It means thinking and then saying, “I’d like to know more about how that works,” as opposed to, “I don’t think that would work,” or “Wait, I have a better idea or story to share!”
We ‘listen to learn‘ naturally with a young child who comes home with a great story. Our enthusiasm matches theirs. We probe for more information. We watch their face. We mirror their excitement. We want to hear every word and we want them to know they’ve been listened to – fully and completely.
I want to bring that sense of enthusiasm, encouragement, and acknowledgement of “I’m listening” into more and more of my conversations. How about you? Let me hear from you!
