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The problem with most of us is that when we find ourselves looking for a great conversation, it’s often because we have things to say. We are generally not thinking about the things we might learn through listening. Which is too bad because, of course, the best parts of a great conversation come from expanding our own thinking.
Stephen R. Covey – whose work I still turn to for inspiration – was quoted as saying, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
It’s hard to listen when we are in a hurry, or when we feel a responsibility for a decision, or when we see ourselves as an expert, or goodness knows when the conversation is about politics, sports or religion! In those conversations, we are very likely, unfortunately, to be thinking solely about winning at any cost to the relationship!
I’m curious about the skills you practice in the art of listening. I’m finding it helpful to say something as simple as, “Tell me a bit more about your thinking.” This provides me with a minute to take a breath, clear my mind, make eye contact, smile, and settle in with focus. People feel respected when they are listened to – paying attention is an act of encouragement.
Of course, we all use different listening skills depending on the purpose of the conversation. But even the briefest encounter can be made better by active listening. It’s time to practice. Let me hear from you!
