Don’t hold tightly to a truth you think is ever-so true.
Last month and this month, I focused my gratitude practice on the history and process and the recovery of my spinal deformity surgery. Three years now and counting.
Those of you who know me personally know that I lived with/suffered from severe scoliosis since the age of fourteen. Back then, options were few, and the decision was made to simply “carry on”. And I did, until I couldn’t. I hoped for a few minor fixes to alleviate pain – as any HR person knows who has worked with Worker’s Comp and back surgery – we enter into surgery with great concern!
The surgery turned out to be major – not minor – although the recovery was long and hard, the results are amazing. Life changing – whole life changing – mind, body, spirit. I hope today you will join me in celebrating all our opportunities to renew and replenish. And so, I am sharing lessons learned.
- Don’t hold tightly to a truth you think is ever-so true.
When my surgeon explained the surgery option, I was shocked. I looked at her and said, “You are describing a surgery that was talked about when I was fourteen.” And she said, “Well, it’s modern now, but yes.” And I replied, “You can’t do that now. I’m too old. My spine is old.” Of course, she said, “Yes, we can.” I’m grateful that a truth I held as absolute – that my back could not be significantly repaired – turned out to be false. A colleague and friend said to me, “Now that you realize a truth that framed your life isn’t true, what other thoughts do you hold that are no longer true?” - Remember, you have skills.
It took me a while to let go of fear, but then I remembered I knew how to navigate big systems and to connect with the right people. Working within my skill set, working “my” way, lessened my fear and allowed me to get to work. When you are able to say, “If I simply look at this as a problem to be solved, what is my first step?” Fear quiets and the mind answers. - Be curious.
I talked to a lot of people on my way to surgery, doctors, therapists, friends, and to tell the truth, probably strangers (laughing here!) too. People who believed in the surgery. People who didn’t. People who had connections to answers, and people who knew how it worked. People who helped me explore the facts, and people who allowed me to explore my feelings. Being curious allows you to explore without commitment. - Be tenacious.
Big changes don’t materialize without a lot of work on your part. Medical systems are large and cumbersome; all big systems are. If you don’t personally advocate for yourself, big things won’t happen. You are unlikely to be rescued by someone else. I clearly remember the day I recognized that unless I wanted this surgery 100% … it wasn’t going to happen.
Which brings me to:
- Believe that really big and amazing things can happen.
People who loved me were afraid for me. But I trusted – by the end of the process – I trusted completely that the surgery would either work or that God would not allow it. That’s hard to explain, but I was completely clear that I was doing the right thing. - Do the work.
Do the work required to make it happen; do the work to recover; do the work to retain the recovery. I am quite sure I have worked out more in the last three years than I have in my lifetime. It’s not always convenient or easy, but I am clear about the investment that was made, and it would be dishonoring for me to not do my part. - Invite people to help.
This was a huge lesson in love. My family showed up in huge ways. And, gosh, I had no idea how many friends I had until I approached the surgery date. Many of you prayed for me daily in the early days of the surgery. I will be forever grateful for your prayers. And I will forever be grateful for the lesson learned. It’s a beautiful thing to be carried by friends. I had always, and I bet you as well, pictured myself as being “the helper.” Believe me, there is joy in receiving. - Choose the best.
My surgeon came highly recommended. But the process was daunting. Several people recommended I seek another solution. And other people said, “No way. Stick it out. Fight for her. She’s the best.” They were right. - Don’t get ahead of yourself.
Recovery is change, and any type of change takes time. Provide it. Slow down. Understand your limitations. Pay attention to potential risks. Do what is asked of you. And celebrate small wins on the way to a big victory. This is especially hard if you are a person who appreciates your ability “to overcome.” I learned I couldn’t overcome the pace of this. I needed to surrender to the timing, rest, and the work required. - Recognize you are a wholistic system.
Listen to your body, listen to your mind, tune in to your emotions, and seek your Spirit connection. For years, I had fought against my failing body, but post-surgery, my body was in charge. Absolutely. In that healing, I have learned to listen to all of me. - Choose your new life, and pause to celebrate.
Of course, there is still work required to develop and maintain this “new” body. My brain had to be rewired to understand my new spine. Muscles and organs were/are in different alignment. My line of sight is different, requiring changes in my glasses! Even after three years, I am a work in progress. Every morning I wake up and stretch my legs fully out and think – this is so amazing, and then I ask myself; “How can I best honor today?”. I do this because I have received a new body, a new mindset, an understanding of how many people stood with me; an appreciation for brilliant doctors and other helpers, and a deep knowing that God continues to have big plans for me.
As you read today’s Tuesdays, I picture you smiling. I know you are happy for me. I have shared this story in hopes that my story inspires your story. You, too, have, or will have, a big thing that frames and dominates your daily living. It is my prayer – it is my joy – that my experience makes you curious about your own story. I hope you share it.
You deserve the best.
As always, if I can be helpful, let me know. Reach out any time for a quick, confidential, complementary conversation.
